The More Powerful You Become, the Harder It Is to Know Yourself
A chief executive tells a joke at a leadership meeting. Everyone laughs. The following week, they tell another one, and everyone laughs again. Over time, they begin to believe they must be quite funny. But how much of the laughter is because of the joke, and how much is because of the job title?
The same question applies to whether a leader is persuasive, approachable or inspiring. As people become more senior, their position starts to influence how others respond to them. And that can make it surprisingly difficult to know themselves as well as they think they do.
The elephant and the mouse
In The Loudest Duck, Laura Liswood uses an elephant and a mouse to illustrate how differently people experience power. What does the elephant need to know about the mouse? “Not much.” What does the mouse need to know about the elephant? “Everything.”
The mouse must anticipate the elephant’s movements because getting them wrong has consequences. The elephant doesn’t need to behave aggressively to influence the mouse. Its presence is enough.
Something similar happens in organisations. Employees learn to read their leaders’ preferences, moods and reactions, often adjusting their behaviour without consciously deciding to do so. From the leader’s perspective, these interactions can feel completely natural. After all, it’s just how people respond to them.
When power becomes invisible
We develop our sense of ourselves in large part through other people’s reactions. We learn whether we’re funny, persuasive, approachable or difficult through countless everyday interactions.
But we’re not always good at understanding why people respond to us as they do. Psychologists have found we more often assume it’s because of something about us, without recognising how much external circumstances might be influencing their behaviour. We also tend to take more credit for things that go well than for things that go wrong. In a meta-analysis of 266 studies, Amy Mezulis and colleagues found widespread evidence of this second tendency, known as self-serving bias.
For senior leaders, one of the circumstances shaping their interactions is their authority. A leader may genuinely be charismatic, persuasive and approachable. Their success may have helped them develop those qualities, but it also changed how people respond to them.
Being consistently listened to may genuinely make someone more confident. Having their ideas taken seriously may help them become more persuasive. Someone whose decisions are rarely questioned may grow more decisive. Over time, the social advantages of power can become woven into the qualities a leader actually possesses. Where does the person end and the position begin?
The higher someone rises, the harder it becomes to separate their personal qualities from the privileges of their position.
Meanwhile, colleagues become increasingly used to adjusting their behaviour around senior leaders. This means leaders have fewer opportunities to hear or experience things that might challenge how they see themselves. A leader can become more accomplished while growing less accurately informed about themselves.
How can leaders see themselves beyond their authority?
Because other people’s reactions shape how we see ourselves, senior leaders need chances to hear from people who aren’t influenced by their job title.
Here are three questions worth considering:
What do people experience in me that I never experience in myself?
We experience our intentions, reasoning and emotions from the inside. Others experience our behaviour and its consequences. Confidential feedback, coaching and conversations outside the usual reporting hierarchy can help reveal the gap between those perspectives.
Where do people have nothing to gain from agreeing with me?
Think about the relationships in which others can disagree without worrying about consequences. What do you learn about yourself in those relationships that you rarely learn at work?
When did I last discover something surprising about myself?
We tend to remember praise that confirms what we already believe. More revealing is feedback that changes our understanding of our own impact. If you struggle to recall such a moment, it may be worth asking whether your usual sources of feedback are telling you enough.
Why continued development matters
Early in our careers, we learn a lot about ourselves from being corrected, questioned and sometimes overlooked. It isn’t always pleasant, but it helps us see how others experience us.
As we move into more senior roles, people often become more careful about what they say to us and less likely to challenge our decisions. This can make it harder to recognise things about ourselves that others might see quite clearly.
Coaching, feedback from peers and honest conversations with people outside our usual working relationships can help us see things we might otherwise miss.
As we become more senior, the way people respond to us can increasingly reinforce what we already believe about ourselves. Continuing to learn and develop gives us a chance to see things about ourselves that we might otherwise miss.
UNLRN’s six-week senior leadership programme
UNLRN’s senior leadership programme creates a space for self reflection and discovery through workplace scenarios, coaching and peer feedback. The programme consists of six weekly half-day sessions, delivered online or in person, typically for groups of 6–14.
Week 1: Lead Yourself - Explore your leadership habits, personal assumptions and the ways your behaviour influences others. Develop greater awareness of your strengths, potential blind spots and areas for growth.
Week 2: Building High-Trust Teams - Understand what builds and undermines trust within teams. Explore practical ways to strengthen relationships, encourage openness and create the conditions for people to work effectively together.
Week 3: Strategic Influence - Develop your ability to influence across different personalities, priorities and stakeholder groups. Practise communicating ideas persuasively, understanding different perspectives and building commitment.
Week 4: Navigating Conflict - Explore how to approach difficult conversations and manage disagreement constructively. Build confidence in addressing tension, responding to different viewpoints and working towards productive outcomes.
Week 5: Decision Leadership - Examine how you approach complex decisions, particularly when information is incomplete or priorities compete. Strengthen your judgement, recognise common decision- making pitfalls and consider how to involve others effectively.
Week 6: Executive Presence - Develop greater clarity, confidence and impact in senior-level interactions. Explore how your communication, behaviour and presence influence the way others experience your leadership.
What participants take away: Participants receive a Leadership Impact Report, a personal action plan and practical tools to support continued development beyond the programme.
Explore UNLRN’s senior leadership programme or get in touch to discuss a tailored approach for your organisation.
FAQs
Why do experienced senior leaders still need development?
As leaders gain authority, the way colleagues respond to them can change, making aspects of their impact harder to recognise. Continued development creates opportunities for reflection, challenge and fresh perspectives.
How does power affect self-awareness?
Authority influences the feedback and social responses a leader receives. These experiences can reinforce their self-image while making it harder to distinguish personal qualities from the effects of their position.
What is self-serving bias?
Self-serving bias is the tendency to attribute positive outcomes to our own qualities or actions more readily than negative outcomes. Research suggests it’s a widespread human tendency.
How can senior leaders become more self-aware?
By seeking perspectives outside their usual hierarchy, reflecting on how others experience them and remaining open to feedback that challenges their assumptions.
Who is UNLRN’s senior leadership programme for?
The programme is designed for experienced managers, senior leaders and executives. It runs over six weekly half-day sessions, online or in person, typically for groups of 6–14.
